So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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