its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
