Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
