so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
