I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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