She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
