I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
