remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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