Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We left the knife in your bed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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