Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
