I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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