no, he came in my armpit
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
