ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I want her autograph on my taint
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
