There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
