she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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