if i died would you start the facebook group?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
