i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
