I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
