We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
