someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
