omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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