theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
