You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
