just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
