i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
