what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
