Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Someone shattered a urinal.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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