Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
