I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
