So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
