I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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