Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
