So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
