I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
this hospital has no fireball
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
