"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
