i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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