Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
They have beer where we have blood.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
