repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am one with the molecules
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
And then he peed in my hair
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