the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
