SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
