I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
