If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
