bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
