what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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