that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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