you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
