The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
