The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
