i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
