The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
