Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
