i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
